Flirting with men is so fun and so simple. So why don't we do it? One man recently wrote me that it was true that flirting was a great way for women to attract men, but he was "yet to experience this from a woman, must be fun!"
Men LOVE it when women flirt with them! They love the fun aspect of it: the playful banter, the dance of eye contact, and the sheer joy of being surprised by the unexpected.
Best of all, flirting is immensely flattering. It's an indication of interest in another person, even if that interest is not romantic in nature. The best flirts know how to make the other person feel special without expecting anything in return.
If you are going to improve your flirting skills with men, here are three tips that will give you a SUPER flirting mindset.
1. Flirting is playful, not serious.
If you give a man a compliment, are you flirting? If you make eye contact, does it count as a flirtation? If a stranger teased you when you were walking up to the bar, was he flirting? What exactly IS flirting, anyway?
Flirting is distinguished by its playful nature. You cannot be a serious flirt. Remember how boys used to tease you in grade school, and you used to tease them back? That's the kind of playful spirit you want to invoke while flirting.
A flirtatious encounter will usually involve three elements:
- Humor (or wit),
- Risk, and
- A display of interest.
For example, a witty comment is one common way to start flirting with someone, but by being the first to make a move, you're putting yourself at risk of rejection. If your flirtatious comment pushes boundaries, you're also taking the risk that the other person may not find your sense of humor amusing.
Beginning flirts may find it uncomfortable to put themselves in the vulnerable position of displaying their interest in another person without knowing whether that person will even respond. That's why the next point is so important.
2. The best flirts practice on everyone.
You'll never become a great flirt if you only flirt with men you like. Flirting is one of life's greatest joys, and it should be practiced whenever and wherever possible. Flirt with the waiter at the coffee shop. Flirt with the bus driver. Flirt with the old man standing behind you in line.
When flirting becomes part of your daily life rather than a specialized skill that you apply only when you meet a potential Mr. Perfect, you'll find that magic starts to happen. You make friends more easily. You become the life of the party. You find it easier to strike up a conversation with strangers.
Best of all, when flirting feels natural to you, you no longer will feel awkward when faced with a handsome man that you'd like to know better. You'll feel confident, because you know that other people have enjoyed your flirting. You won't even have time to get nervous, because your flirting skills will kick in and start the conversation for you.
But being the best flirt in the world won't protect you from the one thing that every flirt must face: rejection.
3. Don't take rejection personally.
The one sure way to kill the spirit of flirtation is to see it as in terms of success and failure. As I said earlier, your goal is simply to make the other person feel special without expecting anything in return. If the other person doesn't want to return your comment, or wink back, it's no more devastating than a playmate saying that they don't want to play right now.
Luckily, your chances of rejection are lower than you think. Most people go through life wishing for greater connection with others. When we're standing in a crowded elevator or waiting in line at a busy shop, most of us would love someone to start a conversation with us. It can be such a delight to meet someone new, even if our conversation only lasts for a few minutes.
Think of your flirtation as an offering: you're offering someone the possibility of connection, and if they don't want to take it, you simply offer it to the next person.
Sadly, the art of flirting has declined so greatly that many people don't know what to do when someone flirts with them. They may feel uncomfortable and turn away or ignore the flirtatious glance or comment, because they have no clue what they should do.
If you keep a playful mindset while flirting, and practice it whenever and wherever you can, you'll find that your fears of rejection dissipate until you can no longer remember why you let them keep you from making the first move.
Are you a person who can easily win people’s hearts? Do people enjoy being around you? Do people find you approachable?
The ability to win people’s hearts is a skill that successful people have. They are able to attract people to them without effort as if it is some kind of magic.
Have you ever met someone who seldom smiles? What did you think of that person? Did you have a close rapport?
Studies show that a sincere and love smile has a powerful affect in winning people‘s hearts. When you sincerely smile at someone, that sends a message to others that you like them and appreciate their company and that creates an ambience of friendship between people. Smiling at people is the key to winning people’s hearts as people have enough problems and do not want to deal with someone who has problems and always complains.
Once upon a time there was a guy who rarely smiles and very serious in life. His wife and colleagues always complain that he never smiles. All of his colleagues began to turn away from him as he is not approachable and seldom smiles. Then, one of his closest friends asked him if he knows the reason why everyone goes away from him. The guy said he does not know. Then, his friend told him the main reason no one talks to him is because he rarely smiles and that people find him unapproachable. People like to be around people who smile and ease their difficulties. Afterwards, the man started to smile to everyone he meets and after a short time, people started to talk to him and enjoy being with him.
Can you see what the power of smiling can do?
Keys to a beautiful smile
1. When you smile, try to mean it. Let the smile come out of your heart.
2. Strive to make your smile have a meaning.
Of course, you are not going to have a smile on your face all day long, otherwise you will look like a clown. However, smiling when you run into a friend, colleague, or someone , make things much easier and make people find you more friendly and approachable.
There’s always that pesky sexual tension to contend with. And what about the spouse, spousal equivalent, or boyfriend/girlfriend who’s sure to be jealous?
Plus, there’s the biological/sociological nesting imperative that women contend with and the hunting imperative that seems to drive men.
A number of years ago, a landmark study published by Dr. Don O'Meara, a sociology professor at Raymond Walters College, identified the following four key obstacles to the success of male-female fiendships.
* The inability to define the relationship
* A fear of confronting feelings of sexual attraction
* The inability of both partners to see each other as equals
* Society’s response to a non-romantic relationship
Let’s face it, when you come right down to it – there are just too many impediments and too many inherent differences between the sexes for cross-gender friendship to work. Right?
Wrong, wrong, and double-wrong – at least in today’s world.
Fifty years ago, when Harry met Sally, he was a breadwinner who worked outside the home and she was a stay-at-home mom. Harry and Sally had very little in common and very few opportunities to explore their commonality.
Their paths never crossed except at a church social, perhaps, or in situations that were specifically created to foster romance and, by extension, procreation and the continuation of the species.
That was then. This is now.
21st Century men and women follow their passions inside and outside the home and stand shoulder to shoulder as equals in most situations. In 2002, Harry and Sally work side by side at the office. They argue head-to-head at the boardroom table. They run hip to hip on the jogging trail. They may not see eye to eye on every issue, but they freely debate them in Internet chat rooms.
So today, not only do Harry and Sally have a solid foundation of shared interests on which to build a real friendship, they also have time and space to pursue a cross-gender firendship and a society that encourages them to do so.
In fact, experts tell us that in today’s world, men and women in platonic friendships enjoy dozens and dozens of benefits from their relationships. Interestingly, men seem to get more out of cross-sex friendship. In a study by a psychologist in private practice on Long Island in New York State, men rated cross-sex friendships higher in overall quality than their same-sex friendships. Men reported they most enjoyed talking and sharing with women - something they didn’t do with male friends.
All that sharing that men find so appealing – organic though it may be to women- can be a bit of a drain, so les femmes say they turn to les hommes for a different dynamic. With men, women say they enjoy the lightness of not having to carry someone else’s emotional ‘baggage.’
Women may also derive a sense of safety and protection from their male platonic friends – much as they might from a big brother. Interestingly, women say the chance to learn ‘what guys are REALLY thinking” is the number 1 benefit of cross-gender friendship. So does Harry WANT Sally? You bet. But if he can’t have her ‘that way,’ friendship will do quite nicely.