Flirting with men is so fun and so simple. So why don't we do it? One man recently wrote me that it was true that flirting was a great way for women to attract men, but he was "yet to experience this from a woman, must be fun!"
Men LOVE it when women flirt with them! They love the fun aspect of it: the playful banter, the dance of eye contact, and the sheer joy of being surprised by the unexpected.
Best of all, flirting is immensely flattering. It's an indication of interest in another person, even if that interest is not romantic in nature. The best flirts know how to make the other person feel special without expecting anything in return.
If you are going to improve your flirting skills with men, here are three tips that will give you a SUPER flirting mindset.
1. Flirting is playful, not serious.
If you give a man a compliment, are you flirting? If you make eye contact, does it count as a flirtation? If a stranger teased you when you were walking up to the bar, was he flirting? What exactly IS flirting, anyway?
Flirting is distinguished by its playful nature. You cannot be a serious flirt. Remember how boys used to tease you in grade school, and you used to tease them back? That's the kind of playful spirit you want to invoke while flirting.
A flirtatious encounter will usually involve three elements:
- Humor (or wit),
- Risk, and
- A display of interest.
For example, a witty comment is one common way to start flirting with someone, but by being the first to make a move, you're putting yourself at risk of rejection. If your flirtatious comment pushes boundaries, you're also taking the risk that the other person may not find your sense of humor amusing.
Beginning flirts may find it uncomfortable to put themselves in the vulnerable position of displaying their interest in another person without knowing whether that person will even respond. That's why the next point is so important.
2. The best flirts practice on everyone.
You'll never become a great flirt if you only flirt with men you like. Flirting is one of life's greatest joys, and it should be practiced whenever and wherever possible. Flirt with the waiter at the coffee shop. Flirt with the bus driver. Flirt with the old man standing behind you in line.
When flirting becomes part of your daily life rather than a specialized skill that you apply only when you meet a potential Mr. Perfect, you'll find that magic starts to happen. You make friends more easily. You become the life of the party. You find it easier to strike up a conversation with strangers.
Best of all, when flirting feels natural to you, you no longer will feel awkward when faced with a handsome man that you'd like to know better. You'll feel confident, because you know that other people have enjoyed your flirting. You won't even have time to get nervous, because your flirting skills will kick in and start the conversation for you.
But being the best flirt in the world won't protect you from the one thing that every flirt must face: rejection.
3. Don't take rejection personally.
The one sure way to kill the spirit of flirtation is to see it as in terms of success and failure. As I said earlier, your goal is simply to make the other person feel special without expecting anything in return. If the other person doesn't want to return your comment, or wink back, it's no more devastating than a playmate saying that they don't want to play right now.
Luckily, your chances of rejection are lower than you think. Most people go through life wishing for greater connection with others. When we're standing in a crowded elevator or waiting in line at a busy shop, most of us would love someone to start a conversation with us. It can be such a delight to meet someone new, even if our conversation only lasts for a few minutes.
Think of your flirtation as an offering: you're offering someone the possibility of connection, and if they don't want to take it, you simply offer it to the next person.
Sadly, the art of flirting has declined so greatly that many people don't know what to do when someone flirts with them. They may feel uncomfortable and turn away or ignore the flirtatious glance or comment, because they have no clue what they should do.
If you keep a playful mindset while flirting, and practice it whenever and wherever you can, you'll find that your fears of rejection dissipate until you can no longer remember why you let them keep you from making the first move.