16/12/2010

What a Man Wants From a Woman

happy-couple-smiling-425.jpgWe know a lot of men opened the article and read it on their own, and we received some nice comments and email from them. Thanks. And a lot of women let us know they opened the article and passed it along to their guys in various manner; emailing it to them, having them sit down in front of the computer and read it, printing it out and leaving it somewhere they would find and read it, printing it out and stapling it to their chests as they dozed... 

We got some nice comments and emails from those guys and gals, too. And again we say, Thanks! However, men's understanding what a woman wants from her man is only half the equation so, in the interest of promoting ever greater relational happiness for our brothers and sisters in blue (or khaki, or green, or...), this month we approach from the other side and take a look at what a man wants from his woman. A word of caution in advance: What we offer are guidelines for adaptation by individuals and couples. No two people are exactly the same, nor are any two relationships, and the finer points must fit the specific needs of the couple.

A lot of literature along the lines we are presenting can be found that tends to be way too specific, slightly demeaning (It is okay if you don't have the physique of a model. You can always get a gym membership and work on those physical flaws! - that always pumps up self-esteem in the ladies!), or filled with frou-frou vagaries.

Instead, our guidelines give general rules with the understanding that more specific preferences and practices should be uncovered through by way of open and honest communication, observation, and self-discovery. So here we go...

A man wants the woman in his life to be his best friend Seems obvious, right? Unfortunately, a lot of couples are lacking in this most crucial facet of their relationship and, without friendship as the foundation upon which everything else is built, the whole of the relationship may sit on shifting sands when adversity hits. Love is powerful, and vitally important, but not nearly enough. If you are like me, there may be people you truly love from your past - maybe prior lovers, or friends, or mentors - but the flame of friendship has long since fizzled. You wish them well, hope they are enjoying long, healthy, happy, fulfilling lives, but really could not care less about spending more than a moment of face time with them, if that. We move on. And lust is important, too.

Lust is underrated, and even a little maligned sometimes, but when you look at your partner, love and friendship aside, I hope you feel a twinge of lust for them. I once heard a speaker - a clinical psychologist and sex researcher - make an excellent point: If the average couple has sex three times per week (and that may be a bit generous), and the average sexual encounter lasts 24 minutes from inception to end (yes, there are people who actually study such things!), then the average couples' weekly lovemaking takes up just slightly more time than is needed to watch an hour-long TV drama and the first segment of the nightly news combined (including commercials).

The point is, you need to more than just love your partner. You need to more than lust after them, too. For the rest of those waking, non-working hours not spent in the sack, you had better really like each other! Liking each other is the glue the foundation on which all the subsequent points will be built. You know what you want in a best friend. You want someone with whom you share common interest, who is fun to be around, easy to talk to, and eager to lend a hand. You want someone who is the first person you rush to in order to share laughter and pain and rage. You want someone with whom you feel a partnership in your common endeavors. He wants the same thing.

A man wants to feel accepted by the woman in his life This means he wants to be accepted for the man he is, trusted in the choices he makes, supported in the actions he takes, and respected for the opinions he holds. There is plenty of denigration coming at all of us from the world; from those we work with, the public we serve if we are cops, our clients and stakeholders if we are not, the kids and family, friends and neighbors, and that one guy screaming at us with extended middle finger on the highway. It is tiresome getting so much unvarnished criticism from so many sources, so acceptance at home is a welcome relief. Please understand, this is not a demand for blind acceptance of just anything we do, or a request you never intervene when we go astray. A wise man knows he is human - and subject to human frailties and failure - and welcomes critique given with his best interest at heart.

The key is to show continuing acceptance of the man, while questioning (or even rejecting) the substance of an individual action, word, or opinion, and regardless of whether he heeds your advice or not. Here is an important caveat: Helping us become our best selves is NOT the same as molding us into the incarnation of someone you wish we were.

In other words, never challenge us in order to change us into someone we neither recognize nor like; to do so is self-serving and patronizing and will cause more harm and hurt than can imagine. A man wants open communication from the woman in his life Sometimes it may seem we men prefer to communicate in monosyllables, grunts, blank looks, and the occasional burst of apparently random profanity (it is never really random). And you have probably read how women have the capacity to speak and comprehend 20,000 words each day, while men can only manage 10,000 leading to serious communication issues between the sexes. Just the same, guys do want communication with their women.

Is this a simplistic plot device, drawn from tired gender stereotypes, and used in countless sitcoms and comic routines? Sure, but stereotypes resonate because, deep down, they tweak group recognition of shared experience. Every one of us has wondered just how two people can live the same event and share a common language, but walk away with vastly different interpretations of what went on and what it means. Despite shared language, men simply do not communicate relationally with the same depth of nuance and meaning as do women. The result is often confusion or hurt feelings. We (men) want to understand, and we want to say and do the right things, but may require patience and ongoing coaching in understanding female communication. This can be burdensome for the woman in the relationship but the alternative is burdensome on the relationship. Look, there is no Rosetta Stone system for this yet, so it has to fall on you! Approach each other with patience and humor and make communicating fun. A man wants the woman in his life to have self-confidence Self-confidence is sexy. Many women get stuck comparing themselves to supposed ideals of femininity, motherhood, wifehood, beauty, body, stylishness, intelligence, and achievement and are endlessly wondering how they measure up, only to knock themselves down in disappointment. Others constantly seek assurance from others that they are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or accomplished enough, but they never seem able to hold onto affirmations and get stuck in a tedious cycle. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and, if he beheld you and asked you out, and then asked you out again and again, and now you are in a committed long-term relationship, then I guess you just might be his fantasy. Appearance is just one of the comparison points some women use, but no matter what yours might be, use it for personal goal-setting purposes only, and only if realistic. Your man may be quite pleased with the woman you already are.

So carry yourself with confidence. Confidence is sexy. A man wants the woman in his life to respect him Men crave approval from their women; we want to know you admire us and are proud of who we are and what we do. Althea often tells me she is proud of me, of my job, of how I do it, and to be married to me. That means more to me than any supervisory commendation or letter of appreciation from a citizen.

Those come and go, but having the approval of my wife has lasting impact. A man wants great sex from the woman in his life I bet you had no idea I would be revealing such groundbreaking secrets! Stick with me, however, and notice I said great sex. There is no secret move or position or trick or toy I can tell you about that transforms run-of-the-mill sex into earth-shattering sex. There may be, but there are plenty of books out there you can explore yourselves - and we encourage you to - as well as the whole information superhighway where, rumor has it, there are plenty information side streets running through vast digital information Red Light Districts. Just saying... What I want to offer are the following points: First, it is important to recognize that, for women, feeling loved and safe in her relationship leads to desire and sexual expression of love. For men, however, the order is reversed. Receiving sex from his woman leads to feeling loved. Second, research has shown the sex lives of most couples, over time, tend to fall into predictable patterns of timing and behavior. Couples develop a limited repertoire and then stick with what they know, although both partners often express a wish for greater variety and experimentation. Third, take the initiative (and risk?) to try something new, do something differently, or to break out of old patterns will probably surprise and delight your man. Be creative, be assertive, and be confident. Remember, confidence is sexy!

In conclusion

These are guidelines to follow; how you put them into practice is up to you, and limited only by your imagination. Have fun with your relationship, commit to taking care of each other, and always stay face-to-face and talking.

16:24 Écrit par Donna dans Relationships | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0) | Tags : sex, sexy |  Facebook |

01/10/2010

Does He Love You?

20090312_oradio_lberman_8_290x218.jpgMen and women are very different creatures indeed! One of the extreme distinctions between the two genders is that way that they each show love. Many an argument between the two stem from this very issue, most often instigated by the women who want to be shown love the way that they show it. Before you assume that your man simply doesn't love you consider the fact that the two of you speak very different love languages. Where you are more apt to be verbal with your affections, he is going to be more proficient at the "doing" aspect of love. Does your man provide for you and your children, if applicable?

This is an act of love on his part, especially on days that he'd rather be anywhere but work. A man who doesn't have anyone but himself to worry about could just take the day off, call in sick and relax the day away. This is something to consider the next time you wonder if he really loves you. It is love that motivates the tired man, the sick man, or the man who just plain wants a day off to head to the office once again so that he can bring you that paycheck at the end of the month and be sure you have your met.

If your man keeps things in proper working condition around your house or in your vehicle, it is a sign that he loves you. He doesn't want you to live in a home that's falling down around you. He doesn't want you to drive a vehicle that can't be depended on to get you where you need to go and home again. When he's under the hood, cussing up a storm, hear those words saying that he cares about your safety. When he's muttering under his breath from beneath the sink fixing that leak, hear those mutters become "I love yous".

Have you felt that gentle pat on your bottom as he walks by? Have you seen his eyes light up when you enter a room? Have you felt his embrace in the night? Even as he sleeps, he is loving you. It is an amazing feeling for you, the woman, when you actually understand that.

No more will you complain about that heavy arm being thrown over you because you'll understand his language telling you of his love and desire to protect you and keep you close to him. When he does something extra that normally falls on your shoulders, it is his way of showing you that he loves you. Has he ever done the dinner dishes, or better yet, made the dinner?

Has he folded the laundry or made the bed in the morning? Have you ever noticed that he has an irresistable urge to tell you all about it? Often, we assume that this is because he wants us to praise him for the task he's accomplished, but sometimes he simply wants you to know so that you hear his "I love you" through these actions. Men definitely, without any question, speak a language that women don't always understand. Their "words" are their actions and haven't we all heard that "actions speak louder than words"?

When he does something for you, with no regard to himself, try to hear what he isn't saying and know that he is showing all the signs of a man who loves you.

13:14 Écrit par Donna dans Relationships | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0) | Tags : love |  Facebook |

29/09/2010

Things to Turn Women on Sexually

black-couple-embrace1.jpg&t=1So what turns a women on? Many guys think if they knew the secrets they could conquer the world. The truth is, there really are no secrets but some simple well-proven methods that work every time but only if you know how to apply them.

The following techniques are especially great for couples in long term relationships that may need a little spice to perk things up a little. We're not suggesting you use them on a first date; they may get you slapped but for those of you wanting to re-invigorate your relationships then the following tips on what turns on a woman will definitely do help. Did you know for women it's not just about the sex.

Women like to connect on a higher level; they want to be connected to their partners. Too many men will hurt a relationship without using this to keep their ladies mesmerized and if you're one of these, then keep reading.

What Turns Women On

#1. Girls are supposed to be prim and proper - it's true but guys, you need to speak up a little with your partner. In other words let her know how much she turns you on, what you would like to do with her and when. Depending on how well you know your partner just keep it from getting too smutty but this is great and actually is a strong form of mental foreplay.

#2. Taunt her across the room during a quiet moment. How? Sexually, that's how. In other words, a wink followed by gently biting your lip lets her know that her man is in the mood so get ready. Touch yourself in areas you normally wouldn't but let her know it's hers whenever she wants it.

#3. Leave her notes and messages. For example, while she's at work send her a message of what you would rather be doing right now and with whom...her of course. You need to always tempt her with an invitation to meet at a particular place like your home in a set amount of time. This can be extremely powerful.

#4. You need to re-discover the basics about what turns on a woman. In other words, little things like hand holding, looking into each other's eyes and those personal expressions you used to give each other. Re-introduce them back into your life.

#5. The ear is a woman's sensitive spot. Many just love the sound of whispering in their ears. Sounds simple but try it and get ready for a "rocket-style take-off" of epic proportions. Follow the whispered message with a gentle blow.

15:53 Écrit par Donna dans Relationships | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0) | Tags : sex, sexually |  Facebook |