01/10/2010

Does He Love You?

20090312_oradio_lberman_8_290x218.jpgMen and women are very different creatures indeed! One of the extreme distinctions between the two genders is that way that they each show love. Many an argument between the two stem from this very issue, most often instigated by the women who want to be shown love the way that they show it. Before you assume that your man simply doesn't love you consider the fact that the two of you speak very different love languages. Where you are more apt to be verbal with your affections, he is going to be more proficient at the "doing" aspect of love. Does your man provide for you and your children, if applicable?

This is an act of love on his part, especially on days that he'd rather be anywhere but work. A man who doesn't have anyone but himself to worry about could just take the day off, call in sick and relax the day away. This is something to consider the next time you wonder if he really loves you. It is love that motivates the tired man, the sick man, or the man who just plain wants a day off to head to the office once again so that he can bring you that paycheck at the end of the month and be sure you have your met.

If your man keeps things in proper working condition around your house or in your vehicle, it is a sign that he loves you. He doesn't want you to live in a home that's falling down around you. He doesn't want you to drive a vehicle that can't be depended on to get you where you need to go and home again. When he's under the hood, cussing up a storm, hear those words saying that he cares about your safety. When he's muttering under his breath from beneath the sink fixing that leak, hear those mutters become "I love yous".

Have you felt that gentle pat on your bottom as he walks by? Have you seen his eyes light up when you enter a room? Have you felt his embrace in the night? Even as he sleeps, he is loving you. It is an amazing feeling for you, the woman, when you actually understand that.

No more will you complain about that heavy arm being thrown over you because you'll understand his language telling you of his love and desire to protect you and keep you close to him. When he does something extra that normally falls on your shoulders, it is his way of showing you that he loves you. Has he ever done the dinner dishes, or better yet, made the dinner?

Has he folded the laundry or made the bed in the morning? Have you ever noticed that he has an irresistable urge to tell you all about it? Often, we assume that this is because he wants us to praise him for the task he's accomplished, but sometimes he simply wants you to know so that you hear his "I love you" through these actions. Men definitely, without any question, speak a language that women don't always understand. Their "words" are their actions and haven't we all heard that "actions speak louder than words"?

When he does something for you, with no regard to himself, try to hear what he isn't saying and know that he is showing all the signs of a man who loves you.

13:14 Écrit par Donna dans Relationships | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0) | Tags : love |  Facebook |

08/09/2010

It's Time to Have the Talk

couple%20talking-saidaonline.jpgIf you’ve been seeing each other seriously for a long time, have the talk. If you’re in a committed, long-term relationship, you must have the talk – the gender roles talk.

Did you grow up as a fixture in a Leave it to Beaver rerun or did you hear Free to Be You and Me over and over and over? What if you fit the first description and your partner fits the second?

This scenario could lead to communication cross-talk, and no couple needs that!

Each of us comes into a relationship with our entire past, including experiences, norms, assumptions and rules that can differ tremendously, even between people that have lives that, on the surface, seem quite similar.

If he’s not taking out the trash, it could be that he didn’t know that you assumed it was “his job”. Any automatic assumptions of laziness or uncaring are, at this point, completely unfounded. If she doesn’t have dinner on the table at six o’clock sharp, it could be because she grew up and a perfectly decent home – one where there was no particular person appointed to restaurant duty.

Both of the situations described above are marvelous opportunities for communication. Of course, both sides need to feel happy, loved and cared about and it is up to the two of you to work this out. Harboring resentful feelings will only help those destructive emotions grow.

Assumptions are dangerous in any relationship, be it a working, neighborly or a loving relationship – all the more so when you’re living together. The day-to-day issues that can build up when one feels his/her needs aren’t being met, that his/her emotions are being ignored or, even worse, if she/he feels taken advantage of are highly destructive.

So please, sit down, pen and paper in hand if necessary, and invest in your future collective happiness. What you decide is up to the two of you and all’s fair so long as you both come out smiling.

29/07/2010

How to Flirt With Men

flirtingtips.jpgFlirting with men is so fun and so simple. So why don't we do it? One man recently wrote me that it was true that flirting was a great way for women to attract men, but he was "yet to experience this from a woman, must be fun!"

Men LOVE it when women flirt with them! They love the fun aspect of it: the playful banter, the dance of eye contact, and the sheer joy of being surprised by the unexpected.

Best of all, flirting is immensely flattering. It's an indication of interest in another person, even if that interest is not romantic in nature. The best flirts know how to make the other person feel special without expecting anything in return.

If you are going to improve your flirting skills with men, here are three tips that will give you a SUPER flirting mindset.

1. Flirting is playful, not serious.

If you give a man a compliment, are you flirting? If you make eye contact, does it count as a flirtation? If a stranger teased you when you were walking up to the bar, was he flirting? What exactly IS flirting, anyway?

Flirting is distinguished by its playful nature. You cannot be a serious flirt. Remember how boys used to tease you in grade school, and you used to tease them back? That's the kind of playful spirit you want to invoke while flirting.

A flirtatious encounter will usually involve three elements:

  • Humor (or wit),
  • Risk, and
  • A display of interest.

For example, a witty comment is one common way to start flirting with someone, but by being the first to make a move, you're putting yourself at risk of rejection. If your flirtatious comment pushes boundaries, you're also taking the risk that the other person may not find your sense of humor amusing.

Beginning flirts may find it uncomfortable to put themselves in the vulnerable position of displaying their interest in another person without knowing whether that person will even respond. That's why the next point is so important.

2. The best flirts practice on everyone.

You'll never become a great flirt if you only flirt with men you like. Flirting is one of life's greatest joys, and it should be practiced whenever and wherever possible. Flirt with the waiter at the coffee shop. Flirt with the bus driver. Flirt with the old man standing behind you in line.

When flirting becomes part of your daily life rather than a specialized skill that you apply only when you meet a potential Mr. Perfect, you'll find that magic starts to happen. You make friends more easily. You become the life of the party. You find it easier to strike up a conversation with strangers.

Best of all, when flirting feels natural to you, you no longer will feel awkward when faced with a handsome man that you'd like to know better. You'll feel confident, because you know that other people have enjoyed your flirting. You won't even have time to get nervous, because your flirting skills will kick in and start the conversation for you.

But being the best flirt in the world won't protect you from the one thing that every flirt must face: rejection.

3. Don't take rejection personally.

The one sure way to kill the spirit of flirtation is to see it as in terms of success and failure. As I said earlier, your goal is simply to make the other person feel special without expecting anything in return. If the other person doesn't want to return your comment, or wink back, it's no more devastating than a playmate saying that they don't want to play right now.

Luckily, your chances of rejection are lower than you think. Most people go through life wishing for greater connection with others. When we're standing in a crowded elevator or waiting in line at a busy shop, most of us would love someone to start a conversation with us. It can be such a delight to meet someone new, even if our conversation only lasts for a few minutes.

Think of your flirtation as an offering: you're offering someone the possibility of connection, and if they don't want to take it, you simply offer it to the next person.

Sadly, the art of flirting has declined so greatly that many people don't know what to do when someone flirts with them. They may feel uncomfortable and turn away or ignore the flirtatious glance or comment, because they have no clue what they should do.

If you keep a playful mindset while flirting, and practice it whenever and wherever you can, you'll find that your fears of rejection dissipate until you can no longer remember why you let them keep you from making the first move.

09:43 Écrit par Donna dans Flirting | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0) | Tags : love |  Facebook |